Just another thought

I read a great blog post today - it was a response to the "To The iPhone Mom" post.  You've probably read it, or at least seen it shared on Facebook.  (If you haven't, just Google it.)  It was really good, and I resonated with it deeply.

And when I went to "share" it on Facebook, it dawned on me that I, too, have a blog.  Not that anybody would know it, since I mainly only use it to share pictures, but that's neither here nor there.  So I clicked over here to Blogspot and signed in.  The last time I posted anything on here was over a year ago.  A year!  For someone who claims to love writing, I have done a pretty terrible job of keeping up with a simple little blog. 

Then that got me thinking... yes, my trains of thought are often quite jagged and I jump from one place to another at lightening speed... Why?  Why don't I blog more often?  Well, for one thing, Facebook makes it so that I don't HAVE to blog to keep our loved ones up to date on our goings-on and such.  I also would have to dedicate time to it, which is a resource that I don't have much of these days.  At least not for something like this. 

Wait, "something like this?"  Something like what, exactly?  Unproductive?  Useless?  Pointless?

And there is my dilemma.  Yes, a blog these days, for us regular folks with kids and jobs, can be considered pretty unproductive, useless, and sorta pointless.  I SHOULD be dusting, vacuuming, laundering something, or scrubbing bathrooms when I have free time.  But I love writing.  I do.  So is it okay to do something that I love.... just because I love it?  Is it a waste of time if it is purely for pleasure and no other reason? 

I started reading "Eat, Pray, Love" this week, and while Ms. Gilbert and I disagree on most things spiritual (at least so far - we're still in the "eat" session in Italy), one thing that I am coming to realize that I agree with her on is that we, as human beings, should allow ourselves to spend time doing things which bring us pleasure, even if they are unproductive.   And we shouldn't be ashamed of doing so.  My personality is one that cannot stand "wasting" time.  I always find the fastest route from Point A to Point B, and don't bother finding another way.   If there is no point, I don't do it.   So giving myself permission to sit and just write gives me inner conflict that I have dealt with by simply NOT doing it.

I want to change that. 

I think God gave us each different passions and desires, and if we love doing something, that is the thing that we must do.  Even if there are other tasks that need to be done.  Even if life tries to get in the way.  Writing is one of very few things that brings me back to my true self.  I want to start releasing the guilt that creeps in whenever I start doing something just for me and my own enjoyment, and the embarassment that someone might judge me for writing a silly blog.  I hate that these things bug me, but they do. 

So I'm just going to do it.  I'm going to write whenever I can.  Maybe on this blog, maybe in my journal.  Because I like doing it and that's okay.  No, writing won't get dinner on the table or wash a load of laundry, but it will center me and remind me of who I am and what I'm about, while giving me release of the tornado of thoughts and feelings that whirl around in my mind everyday.  And that makes it worth it.